Still, I suppose, once I chose to write on this subject, it would be unfair not to answer the question. So here goes. The most awkward compliments are usually those that imply that I am so ‘sexy’, that a client is going to have to masturbate in my toilet just to relieve himself of pressure. Coming from a person who hasn’t experienced much safety or consistency in life, it can be a deliberate attempt to scandalise me and to push me away. Why wait till I push them away myself? It can also be a desperately manic attempt to act virile and ‘sexually dangerous’, which is likely to be conceding crippling self-doubt. It can be an expression of something traumatically crass and vulgar that took place during a client’s childhood which a client has unconsciously internalised but is deeply uncomfortable with. If my guess is correct, it’s understandable that a traumatic ‘object’ would need to ‘come out’, so that it can be seen and made sense of.
Another possibility is that a person in question has a very undeveloped ego, which means that our interactions are too stimulating, in that the feelings and impressions, especially the erotic, or loving ones, cannot be contained within words — they are threatening to break into actions. In cases like this last one, I tell a client very straightforwardly that I would like no masturbation to be taking place in my toilet, the first and foremost reason being: my concern for the client’s psychological safety. I explain to a client that in this place it is ok to TALK – about absolutely everything and anything. For as long as things can be expressed in words, this place is safe. If words are no longer adequate to describe feelings and actions are required (such as masturbating on my premises rather than in one’s own home), it’s a sign that this place is no longer safe for a client – he is overwhelmed.